Learning to LIVE

I remember that in this month, I have told myself that I have to stop leaving in the shadows and away from life. I no longer will leave my life to procrastinate further. I cannot try to pretend that I am not important because I am IMPORTANT. I am important to life. I am important to myself. No more waiting.

These are the things that I want to do:

1. Take up yoga
2. Drive my own car
3. Start running and enlist in at least 1 marathon
4. Wear a full shift dress and look good in it.
5. Lose 10pounds
6. Grow my hair long up to my boobs level
7. Bring bentos to work
8. Make more friends
9. Buy a house of my own
10. People to love me and to care for me. To be in their thoughts.
11. Pass PMP
12. Climb a mountain
13. Travel around the world starting with KK, Bali, Bangkok and Vietnam.
14. Find the love of my life
15. Get a best friend to share my life, my thoughts, my happiness, joy and tears
16. Get in touch with my old friends.
17. Be on facebook with my loved ones
18. Achieve something.. fitness... 
19. Get a new hobby
20. Get a dog.
21. Finish reading 3 books per month.

LETTING GO: RELEASING THE PAIN

This month has revealed some good and some bad news. There are somethings that I am not happy, not proud of.. things that have left me floundering this month. I tried to put up a brave face. I tried to brighten up. I shielded myself and my thoughts from being 'revealed' to others. The pain in my heart no one knows. My thoughts have been all screwed up. Although I knew that endless and incessantly thinking of something is not going to do me a whole world of good, I could not stop my traitorous thinking.

Along the way, I decided to ask God for a chance. Please Lord, release me from all this financial burdens... these are the things that I did not ask for. These are things that I did for someone else and now I am to be blamed. The world is so unmerciful. I have never done anything bad but yet I am blamed for this and is forced to face the retributions. Where is the fairness in life?

I leaving this pain and the curse in the hands of God. This is something that I cannot handle. This is something that God needs to take this from me. I am leaving the wheel to Jesus. Lord Jesus, please help me out in this matter.. drive my life to safety and stability.  I am leaving my troubles here and will leave this to you to help me solve. I know you have never intended my life to be full of pain.

Leave it to Jesus

It has been so long that I blogged on the things that I am grateful for. Somehow I have been unlike myself wallowing in self-pity and distrust. These are the things that I am ashamed of. I should not doubt myself. I should always trust in the Good Lord to help me.

I decided after listening Carrie Underwood's song - "Jesus take the wheel" that I will do the same. I cannot be always the one to listen to people's burden and yet feel so troublesome to carry and own to my troubles. This is something that I cannot do by myself. I am letting go. I am leaving it in Jesus's hands.

Lord Jesus, I surrender all my troubles and pain to you. I am sorry to burden you but thou are strong and I am weak. I do not want to wreck havoc on my emotions. Please help me out in my present necessity. Please give me piece of mind and not doubt myself or you.

Milestone

Today, I managed to reach a milestone in our project. So far everything did turn out well. We managed to successfully cutover despite the roller coaster experience that we went through. There are so many good things that happens and so many wrong things happening at the same time.. it is no wonder why we did not all turn into an emotional wreck.

Have slept for 3hours after 30hrs no sleep. A bit woozy. Had a bit of cake, mee hoon and hot coffee. Am okay now checking on emails and chatting with a friend.

Now it is back to my life - to catch up on all the things that I did not do and those things that  I put off for too long.

The Lord is Good To Me

I believe somewhere in my traumatic state of mind that I am, I still believe that the lord cherishes me. I believe that I am lucky and will get everything good in life to me served on a platter. Heck, I am one lucky girl. I am so lucky that I get everything that I want.

I want to stop thinking of bad things. I am just going to concentrate on the good things. I want to achieve financial stability. I want to no longer put off the things that I have been wanting to do. I want to live my life the fullest without any fear or reservations. I want to live my life fully.

I want to search for my paladin - my guardian angel. I want him back in my life to help me to pick myself when I fall, to swipe away the bruises or the tears. To let me live.

Bring Out the Bottle of Jesus

Just heard Beth Hart's song entitled Bring out the bottle of Jesus - this is exactly something that I have been planning to do without actually screaming for it. I am thankful for all the good things that have been happenning. I am thankful for all the circumstances that has been established. I am thankful that God has given me a mission. I am thankful for all the good people in my life and for all the good things that has been happenning. I am thankful for all the blessings that has been poured to me. I believe that all good things will happen to me and are happenning to me. I have always been lucky in life and will continually do so.

Be Strong and Trust in the Good Lord

Something happenned yesterday. However as luck had it and I know all good things happens to me. I have someone who I do not know help me to do me a favour on something, the other bank CSR was so kind to me yesterday and today. God decided to soften the blow - a friend of mine dropped me to the nearest bus station allowing me to reach home 1.5hrs earlier than my usual time not to mention minus all the heartache and flurry hurry of catching the next bus.

I managed to get what is necessary. Something that I am unable to do - I am just leaving this to God to help get out off my rut. Lord God, I am weak but thou are strong. Your strength is the one that builds  me and keeps me sane. I know that God will protect me.

To the universe, I am thinking of happy thoughts. I want to carry on thinking happy thoughts. All good things happens to me for a good reason. This is something I am going to affirm everyday.

Passion

I have been searching in earnest this year for something. I did not know what I was searching. I busied myself trying to find inspirations and explainations in self and personal development books. I found something and alot of things. I realised that to begin anew one must always start with themself.

Thus this is the story about me. This is the reason why I can't wake up in the morning and go for the run that I have been telling and cajoling myself all this while. This is the same reason why I am unable to shed my weight all this while. I am thinking of this but not for long.

 All the words that I have been telling myself - all these words that I keep forgetting. The real reason that I keep forgettting is  the same thing all the self development books have been telling over and over again. One must believe. One must believe in themselves, in what they say and what they are capable of doing and saying. Thus the missing ingredient in people's life and so true in mine is the: PASSION.

I believe to get where I want. I need to have the PASSION to want it. I need to be PASSIONATE for my dreams, for my wants and for living my life. I need to have the passion to BELIEVE. The PASSION to wake up from slumber and live my life the way that I want.

Thus, I am awaking my PASSION. I am awaking myself again to want things, to be loved and cherished and to make a difference. I am PASSIONATE of my LIFE!

Love

It has been so long that I have loved. I believe it is time for me to start again. I cannot bear to love alone. It has been so long that I stopped myself from loving and caring. I made my heart to harden like stone. I have been trying to get myself a dog but have been refraining from doing this for so long. I know myself. have been making some many excuses. Let alone a man.

Yesterday I prayed to the Virgin Mary at the grotto of the church where I used to play when I was a small kid. I asked her to help me to find my life partner and that I have lived alone for so long. I asked her to help me to find someone who would love me as much as God and she loved me. I prayed for a successful and loving marriage. In my heart, I want someone to make me laugh and be happy all the time. I want someone's shoulder to cry on, someone whose chest I can rest my weary head and leave all my problems and worries behind.

I pray that the Good Mother Mary will bring my prayer to God. I have also asked St.Anthony to intercede for me. I posted an online prayer on Friday.

Benediction + 1 Day of Holiday

Today, I am on leave. Athough I did initially think that I wanted to rest rather than go out shopping, I did a bit of both.

1. I tried to leave home early so that I could miss the flood of relatives that would drop by. However lazy as I was did not leave home. Besides no one came after lunch. Thus I contended myself by taking a bath, having a nice foot bath followed by moiturising my feet and a short nap. After nap, I went looking for food and ate a slice of pizza, 5 small sausages and some jelly.
2. Nothing much was on TV. My two uncles turned up but not with the train of wives and cousins. Thank God for mercies. I survived the queries. Thankfully, I was not the main attraction - my dad was.
3. I decided to go to church with my brother and sis-in-law. It turned out to be a 2 hour event and ended with a mass. The experience is exhillarating. So many people believing in Christ and the power of the Rosary! I felt humbled and loved.
4. I had a wonderful dinner with brother and sis-in law.
5. I had 3 pieces of chocolate cake (small slices) and a lovely hot coffee.
6. I even managed to drink ACV + lemon (that was the plan) in the afternoon once I remembered about it.
7. I am happy that the day did not turn into a waste. Tomorrow I will be working. I am leaving it to God for helping us to make tomorrow a reality and a successful milestone achievement.
8. I thank God for a beautiful day and for keeping me alive.   
9. I designed my blog as I planned to do. Am quite happy with the design and how it turned out.
10. I am happy of how the day turned out to be. Peaceful without issues.
11. I am glad that people remembered about me and wished me. I am glad for all the sms.

Sangam - Dost dost na raha, pyaar pyaar na raha

My fave song of all time - a song of betrayal of one who loved another's love

Dost dost na raha, pyaar pyaar na raha
Friend didn't remain a friend, love didn't remain a love
Zindagi hamein tera aitbaar na raha
Life, I no longer trust you
Aitbaar na raha
No longer trust you

Amaanatein main pyaar ki gaya tha jisko saunpkar
The person to whom I had entrusted my love
Woh mere dost tumhi the, tumhi toh the
Was you, my friend
Jo zindagi ki raah mein bane the mere hamsafar
The one who had become my fellow traveler in life
Woh mere dost tumhi the, tumhi toh the
Was you, my friend
Saare bhed khul gaye, raazdaar na raha
All the secrets are exposed, the one I trusted is no longer there

Zindagi hamein tera aitbaar na raha
Aitbaar na raha

Gale lagi sahem sahem bhare gale se bolti
Embracing me with fear and a choked voice
Voh tum na thi toh kaun tha, tumhi toh thi
If not you, then who was it? It was you
Safar ke waqt mein palak pe motiyon ko tolti
At the time of my leaving, the one who shed tears like pearls
Woh tum na thi toh kaun tha, tumhi toh thi
If that wasn't you then who was it? It was you

Nashe ki raat dhal gayi, ab khumaar na raha
The night of intoxication is over, I haven't come to my senses
Zindagi hamein tera aitbaar na raha
Aitbaar na raha

Dost dost na raha, pyaar pyaar na raha
Zindagi hamein tera aitbaar na raha
Aitbaar na raha

Kuch Kuch Hota Hai - Tum Pass Aaye

Another fave music of mine.. simple lyrics but with so much meaning

Tum Pass Aaye

(Taken from: http://www.hindilyrics.net/translation-Kuchh-Kuchh-Hota-Hai/Tum-Pass-Aaye.html)

Here is the song 'Tum Pass Aaye' from movie 'Kuchh Kuchh Hota Hai'


tum paas aaye

you came near me

yun muskraye

you smiled in such a way

tum ne jane na kya sapne dikhaye

what kind of dreams have you given me ?

Ab to mer dil jage na sota hai

now my heart stays awake and wont sleep

kya krun hai , kuchh kuchh hota hai

what shall I do , something is happening

Na jane kaisa ahsaas hai

what is this I feel

bujhti nahin hai kya pyaas hai

it doesnt dim , what kind of thirst is it ?

Kya nasha is pyaar kya mujh pe chhane laga

What kind of intoxication of love is this that is taking over me

Koi na jane kyun chaahena hota hai

no one has learnt why desire is aroused,

kya karun hai , kuchh kuchh hota hai

what can I do , something is happening to me

Kya rang lai meri dua

what fruits ( colors) have my prayers brought ?

yeh ishq jane kaise hua

who knows how we fell in love

bechan hui jaan na jane kyun aane laga

why my life has become so restless

tanhai me dil

In times of stress

yade sanjota hai , kyan karu..,

the heart manufactures images , what can I do

kya krun hai , kuchh kuchh hota hai

what shall I do , something is happening

Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi

At times, I think Hindi writers have so much of passion in them when they write romantic movies. The songs are always passionate with the words that they use that have so much of meaning.

This is a follow up of the Rab Ne Bana di Jodi story. Take a look at the translation of the song from Hindi to English. You will understand why describe Hindi writers whether in songs or in stories are so passionate. 

Hindi Lyrics Translation

(taken from http://www.hindilyrics.net/translation-Rab-Ne-Bana-Di-Jodi/Tujh-Mein-Rab-Dikhta-Hai.html)

Tujh Mein Rab Dikhta Hai

Here is the song 'Tujh Mein Rab Dikhta Hai' from movie 'Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi'.
tu hi to jannat meri, tu hi mera junun

you are my heaven, your are my passion

tu hi to mannat meri, tu hi ruh ka sukun

you are my wish, you are the peace of my soul

tu hi ankhiyo ki thandak, tu hi dil ki hai dastak

you are the coldness/calmness of my eyes, you are the heartbeat of my heart

aur kuchh na janu main, bas itna hi jaanu

i don't know anything else, i know only this

tujhame rab dikhta hai, yaara main kya karu - (2)

that i see god in you, what should i do

sajde sar jhukta hai, yaara main kya karu

my head is bowing down in your worship, what should i do

tujhame rab dikhta hai, yaara main kya karu

that i see god in you, what should i do

kaisi hai yeh duri, kaisi majburi

what kind of distance is this, what helplessness

maine najaron se tujhe chhu liya

i have touched you with my eyesight

kabhi teri khushbu, kabhi teri baatein

sometimes your fragrance/scent, sometimes your talks

bin maange yeh jahan pa liya

without demanding i have got this world

tu hi dil ki hai raunak, tu hi janmo ki daulat

you are the light of my heart, you are the wealth/treasure of my lives

aur kuchh na janu, bas itna hi janu

i don't know anything else, i know only this

tujhame rab dikhta hai, yaara main kya karu - (2)

that i see god in you, what should i do

sajde sar jhukta hai, yaara main kya karu

my head is bowing down in your worship, what should i do

tujhame rab dikhta hai, yaara main kya karu

that i see god in you, what should i do

vasdi vasdi vasdi, dil di dil vich vaasdi
nasdi nasdi nasdi, dil ro ve the naasdi
rab ne bana di jodi haay.....
vasdi vasdi vasdi, dil di dil vich vaasdi
nasdi nasdi nasdi, dil ro ve the naasdi

chham chham aaye, mujhe tarsaaye

whenever you come, it teases me

tera saaya chhed ke chumata

by teasing, your shadow kisses me

o o tu jo muskaaye tu jo sharmaaye

when you smile, when you shy

jaise mera hai khuda jhumta

it seems like my god is dancing

tu hi meri hai barkat, tu hi meri ibaadat

you are my progress/growth, you are my worship

aur kuchh na janu, bas itna hi janu

i don't know anything else, i know only this

tujhame rab dikhta hai, yaara main kya karu - (2)

that i see god in you, what should i do

sajde sar jhukta hai, yaara main kya karu

my head is bowing down in your worship, what should i do

tujhame rab dikhta hai, yaara main kya karu

that i see god in you, what should i do

vasdi vasdi vasdi, dil di dil vich vasdi
nasdi nasdi nasdi, dil ro ve the naasdi
rab ne bana di jodi.....

Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi

Today I watched a Hindi movie entitled Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi. It starred Shah Rukh Khan and a new comer Anushka Sharma. Shah Rukh Khan is one of my fave actor. It is a story of a man who loved a girl the first time he laid eyes on her. Unfortunately she was to marry to someone else on the day he met her. As luck would have had it, the bus carrying her fiancee and his family was involved in an accident and no lives were spared.

In true Hindi style, the girl's father who is a Professor asked her to marry this man - his beloved student and she with a heavy heart agreed. Little did this man know that the girl of his dreams did not intend to ever love another person ever again.

The movie moves on with him loving her and she unknowingly. Till one day she decides to undertake in a dance exercise. He decides with the aid of his best friend to surprise her by changing his appearance. However as fate has it, she becomes his dance partner with none the wiser that he is her husband. The story enfolds with the two dance partners getting to know each other whilst the husband successfully maintaining his disguise.

The husband makes her fall in love with his alter ego and she is none the wiser. When she finds it in her heart to love - she thinks she is in love with her dance partner. Her husband hopes that she picks him over his alter ego but he is proven wrong.  His wife tells his alter ego that she is not happy. The husband in the role of his alter ego decides then and there that he would give himself up for her and cajoles her to run away with him, knowing in his heart that he no longer can be his real self any longer but his alter ego.

The movie ends in a way when the wife realizes that love is something pure that you feel that one will do anything for another and not because someone makes your heart skips a beat. The wife then decides to break off with her dance partner vouching never to leave her husband. The alter ego decides then to shed his image and reveals his true identity on the day of the dance competition. The movie ends with a happy ending.

I agree with the writer of this movie. You feel love when you feel peace and solace in that one person that you love. Put passion aside, the one you love must be someone whom your heart is most comfortable with.

I think that perhaps  have lost mine source of comfort simply because I could not trade in someone who misunderstands me more than people around me. In this, I maintain...  have not found my one true love yet. Love brings pain yes... but only if the person does not reciprocates your love else love brings JOY.

Rab Ne Bana Jodi is a sentence constructed from a mixture of Punjabi and Hindi. It simply means "A match made by God"

You can read more here : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rab_Ne_Bana_Di_Jodi

A Beautiful Day

Lfe is bliss when you do not have time to think of bad things and instead take life as it is. Today is beautiful for so many reasons such as follows:

1. I got a place to sit on the train today.
2. I had a lovely breakfast and 2 nice cups of coffee.
3. I had lunch with a good friend at work.
4. I feel happy that people remember me.
5. Things are going well at work minus the naysayers.
6. I am alive!!
7. I bought few good deals at Guardian.
8. I bought healthy salad yesterday which is not only healthy and tasty it is also gentle on the tummy.
9. I had a fulfilling day despite thinking that I will not.