Pledge #2: Be Fit and Lose Weight

I have been reading Leo Babuta's The Power of Less. I admit that I have been taking my time to complete this book not that it is boring rather it is because I simply do not want to change. Change is a big thing and a big word. As much as we want to improve ourselves, there is this part of us that wants to hold on to what is old and familiar. This is the reason why we don't change jobs, don't venture to adopt new habits, to cut our hair to dress better etc. It is this fear of change that is keeping us from improving.

So right now on New Year eve I think it is best to get moving and change my old ways to new ways. Why? Because life is short damn it. If we keep looking over and sitting there wishing for something good to happen or wishing what would happened if we did not do this and that... we would not get very far.

I resolve to change for the better and reading Leo's book is helping me to write down and focus on what I want. Now Leo said to focus on one goal and then break it down to sub goals so this makes it more achievable. He also said focus on a 6 months goal and to start a habit for 21 days in which after this the habit will be something that we are able to do each day without thought.

So what's my pledge???

Goal: lose the damn weight and fit into all those cool pants that I bought and is lying down in my cupboard.

Sub goal: How to achieve? Exercise and eat less each day.

Weekly goal : ensure that I have exercise 3 times in a week (well for starters, later on I will focus on some goals like run up and down the stairs for 20 times per day).

Daily goal: exercise for 15 mins. How? incorporate exercise in my daily life by exercising in the morning. On the days I forget or get up late, I will walk up and down the stairs, do yoga or even stretch while I am watching TV. In the night, I will walk up and down the stairs for 23 times - this is the exact amount for one to lose weight and a way to slim down the thighs.

This seems to be a good plan. I now need to endeavor to remember this each day so I will not fail. When to set the goal - why this January 2011 before my projects start up again and I would be too busy. Wish me luck!!

LOVE

I have been reading and watching books or movies whose underlying theme concentrates on the big L - LOVE!

This in turn inspires me to allow concentrate on love. I plan to concentrate on LOVE each day and all the time i.e. take one day at a time to concentrate on thinking and feeling Love.

I am going to begin now by thinking of all the things that makes me think of love.

1. Watching Winnie the Pooh movies makes me feel and think of love. Especially the way Christopher Robin loves Winnie the Pooh, Pooh's friendship with Piglet. Tigger's bounce and song. Rabbit's so called cleverness and Owl's superiority and Kanga and Roo's love and kindness with everyone.
2. Watching cartoons like Hunchback of Notre Dame makes me think of friendship and love even though we are not perfect and do not like what we see in the mirror. It is what in the heart that counts.
3. Love is when my mum cooks and heats up food for me without asking. Love is what you feel around although we may not feel about it.
4. Love is when you take care of your things.
5. I love the way Winnie the Pooh movies and characters help me to think about love and shows me wisdom and being simple in all your way makes the world a better way to live and love. I also love Piglet's selfless manner - he always thinks of people and does not make a big deal of making people know/realize what he has done.
6. I have started a new passion on loving simple yet gaiety songs. I am now looking for jazz type songs - what I have always loved.

Doing What I Wanted

The year 2010 is coming to the end. It is time for reflection, to see the good and the bad and take time to acknowledge the changes that needs to be done or shall I say improvements.

Summary of Achievements

1. Grown up and is more focus in my life.
2. Met my good friend of some many years and after a good 7 years apart. It is strange that we managed to have so many things to talk about and I am not just that apprehensive about what happened in the past between us.
3. Completed my 11 months project successfully. It was a feat and a challenge. Bittersweet like dark chocolate and earned me so many new friends and new skills.
4. Made the bosses aware of my skills and caliber. Yippee!
5. Obtained the promotion and recognition that I craved. Hurray! The best news was on 16 Dec when my boss told me I was going to be promoted. There was I the little girl sitting in his room all nonplussed and impressed and there was my boss mumbling about things not concerning my appraisal and then letting me know that the company acknowledges my contribution and is promoting me!
6. Went on a business trip to Bangkok. Can't let you know how happy I am to be on a business trip with 2 persons that like so much and to a country I always wanted to visit.
7. Had a life turning experience when my finance past caught up with me. I decided to stop running from the unknown and run towards it. Just like the story about the Buddhist priest who ran towards the tiger instead of running away when the tiger chased them.
8. Completed reading - can you believe it - I managed to read in what I often thought - busy life! I completed reading 50 books in one whole year.
9. Watched the movies that I missed the whole year and last.
10. Watched and read the books that I was coward to learn the truth be it tragic or sad. I am now glad that I have read and saw these as I learned new things and is now accepting things that we cannot change and those that we can change even if we think we could not.
11. Gained more friends at work. Realized that everyone needs to be inspired as I always wanted to be, have.
12. Gained a mentor - I am so thankful for this. All of my life, I wanted somebody to guide me to a better path.
13. Know that I have people who cared for me.
14. Gotten my shoes fixed before I took leave and recently on my extended leave.
15. Cleaned and tidied up by room. Decorated the same very room this year - I finally did it.
16. Bought myself a beautiful clothes cabinet from IKEA this year - finally!
17. Saw, downloaded and obtained so many nice goodies. 
18. Finally managed to slim down my thighs - now I am able to wear nice skirts without the bulging feeling at the sides.
19. Wore the types of clothes that I would not have few year down the lane.
20. Coming to my senses that life is short and it is best to live it now rather than waiting for just the right time. There is no right time. I just need to do it now.
21. Finally understanding my mom at the eleventh hour - the last month of Dec at the age of 35!
22. Made good financial decisions and is prudent with my spending. I am happy that I did not waste all my money away by senseless spending. I managed to buy so many clothes and so many things especially the household goods for a cheaper and affordable price.

De-stressing Cartoon Spree

I have been watching cartoons this whole month. It started as an attempt to de-stress myself and stop thinking of the pink elephant. Well, the good news is that I have managed to do what I wanted. This is the beauty of it. I have been gearing myself to watch cartoons, the funnies and to relax and read books that I like.

The positive thing that has happened is that I managed to complete watching the Hunchback of Notre Dame - it is a heartwarming tale of a misshapen child who has the heart of gold. I will admit that I did not want to watch this tale as I knew it had a tragic tale surrounding it.

However as life has been telling me all this while ... sometimes you need to face the bad to reach or experience the good. In short, I thought that the Hunchback of Notre Dame cartoon was very entertaining and even illicited laughs and tears from me.

On 30 Dec 2010 - I watched the Hunchback of Notre Dame II and it was unbelievably interesting. It centered on LOVE - something that I am attracting right now. About the movie - I think it was well written and I love how the story enfolds and of course on the fact that Quasimodo has found his life partner who loves him as much as he loves her. Ahh... the feeling of love and being in love. This is something no one can force.

On Dec 29,

I also watched the Hindi movie entitled Sholay - an old blockbuster which is a super hit until now. It is a solid movie with good performance all around from the actors and actress with a very entertaining and interesting storyline. I love the music although I did not understand it but I reckon it has a lot of meaning to it. There weren't too many dances and signing like how most of the Hindi movies are but had this heartwarming caring essence that was evident throughout the movie. This is the reason why I always liked Hindi movies - that and the sound of the language. To me Hindi is the main language of love. The way these people write about love - they are a masterpiece with simple words that channels so much of emotions.

You can read it all about here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sholay

On the right is a snapshot of the movie.

Fashion

Suddenly I am fascinated by fashion. After I out up weight all that I can think of is that I cannot wear that and that. All the pretty clothes that passed me by. I just could not bear the thought of descrating an image of me looking fat and frumpy neither could I bear the thought of people staring at me in wonderment or amazement with the thought "what was she thinking" permanently etched in their brain.


Right now after resigning the fact that it is becoming damn hard to look for clothes in my present state of unfitness... I decided to change my life around. The difference is that I am stopping all that drama of buying more clothes because I cant seem to find what to wear to shop my own closet first before I venture to buy something.

I am also thinking of getting some wardrobe essentials so I can do a mix and match. So what should I get?

1. glittering jacket with capped sleeves, 3/4 sleeves or long sleeves.
2. simple black cardigan or yellow ochre (I am just crazy for yellow ochres)
3. a long white sleeves
4. something soft with a bow.
5. clothes that are my size and not something that I have to squeeze into
6. gray blouses
7. slim fitting blouses - hey I look great in them.
8. scarves - long and the short glittering one
9. short jackets - I so love them
10. skirts - I finally attest that I like them
11. some cardigans
12. clothes that look great on me and not because of the price!!

Style File

This year until next year, I am determined to shed my previous inhibitions of always covering up and not dressing up. To help me to achieve this, I have been scouring the Internet for style especially for plus size. What I am amazed that instead of wallowing and wailing in misery because they are fat, these girls (sorry, I did not bother to look up on guys), dressed to the nines with comfort and full of style. I envy their freedom and confidence to dress up to not only look good but also to feel good.

I do not intend to be plus size next year. I intend to be fit and trendy. I want to wear all the lovely clothes and t-shirts that I bought.  I have been hankering to wear tights for so long. To enable me to do this, I need to lose weight pronto else my legs will look fat and tights are never forgiving - thus one of the reasons why I have always shied away from them. Anyways... wearing tights with slim legs - have always been my desire and who am I to stand in my own way to realise one of my ideal dreams?? I have always dreamt to have long slim legs and I will focus next year to achieve this and trim of the fat on my hips and butt.

3 Idiots - Movie

I finally did it!  I watched the 3 idiots courtesy of my sis-in-law who called me over to her house to watch with her the 3 idiots movie. The movie was hilarious, inspiring, heartwarming, full of advice and even had romantic undertones. In short a unassuming unpredictable Hindi movie without the crying and wailing and all the usual show their bods, dancing and singing.

I liked the movie very much. It has been so long that I have laughed out loud. It was a great feeling. Thank goodness I did not ask them to change the channel since there were no subtitles - the good thing is that this only occurred in the beginning of the movie. Once the subtitles came on, I could easily follow the storyline and enjoyed myself immensely.

I am happy that I watched this movie. This was one of the movie that I wanted so much to watch the whole year. And I finally did it!!!! Yippee.

12 Questions That Will Change Your Life

Reading redbook magazine on the title heading namesake, I decided to question and interview myself on the 12 questions that they have covered:


1. How do I spend my alone time?


I read books or browse the magazine or surf the net. At times, I watch TV or listen to podcast while cleaning my room or tidying my clothes. Sometimes.. when I am very bored, I go out shopping just for sight seeing.

2011 - I shall scout old book stores, hop on the train and go sight seeing or somewhere I have not been. I could also try scouting or learning new roads and places to eat and how to get there.

2. Do I pay attention to what my body needs?

Yes.

2011 - I shall eat less of spicy food. Drink more of ACV 3 times a day or supplement this with green tea. I shall refrain from eating too much of meat. Instead I will eat more vegetable especially the raw types. Each time, I end up hungry, I am going to drink more water instead of stuffing things into my mouth.

3. To whom am I grateful?

I am grateful to my ex-boyfriend who made me take a chance on live by switching jobs. I am thankful for my restless soul to want to try out something new all the time. I am thankful for all the people who love, had love and will always love and remember me. I am thankful and grateful that people remember and cherish me. I am thankful and grateful for the teachers who inspired me, my neighbour - Mr.Chandran who told me to live each day rather than for all days ahead. He also inspired me to love History, to keep the bathroom clean and to always be broadminded.  

I am grateful for the people who believed in me. Those who knew I could make it. The bosses who thought the world of me and for all the kindness bestowed upon me whether from a known or known person.

I feel I am blessed.
4. Do I compare my life to other people's?

Yes

2011 - I want to be my own person again. I want to bother what is within me and what else I can do to make myself better, smarter and prettier and more worthy of God.

5. Do I spend money on things that speak to my soul?

Yes

2011 - I shall be prudent in my spending. I shall indulge in more me time such as going for pedicures, spas and massages :-)

6. What do I see when I look in the mirror each morning?


I want to stop berating myself.

2011 - I will look into the mirror and see a confident, young and beautiful lady.


7. Have I figured out a way to handle the less-than-perfect relationships in my life?

I want to let bygones be bygones. I do not want to harbour any grudges and anger. I am going to forgive and forget.


8. Do I have faith in something bigger than I am, whether it's God or some other spiritual form?

I believe that God is my shepherd and wherever I go, he is right there beside me.


9. What positive things do I bring to relationships with my husband, my kids, my friends?

That I am always positive and motivated to see the best things in life and live life the fullest. Also that I always smile and is happy all the time.

10. Is there a space in my home to do the things I love (paint, practice yoga, play cards with friends)?

My bedroom is my comfort, my sanctuary.


11. How many hours a week do I spend on my computer, my TV, my BlackBerry?

I resolve to spend more time with my mum and my friends and less time on the Internet or the TV. I shall give them priority before I selfishly plop myself infront of the TV or laptop.

12. Do I feel older or younger than my years? How often do I feel good about being exactly the age I am?

I am learning to embrace life without fear. I am learning to be FREE again. I am learning to live life to the fullest. Never shall I fear, for God is near and with him, I feel safe.

Dreams #1

I read this blog and it inspired me to write down all the things that I have been dreaming of and want these to happen to me. I pledge to keep this and visualize this every now and then as if in daily. I want this to be my inspiration.

1. I obtained a 30% raise by APRIL 2011
2. I successfully ran a 5k marathon by June 2011. The movie "Run Fat Boy Run" has inspired me.
3. I started dancing. After all that watching "You can Dance" reality show where kids as young as 5 year old can dance.
4. I found my one true love. This time... he found me. I promise I will let my heart rule this time and not my head.
5. I own my dream home

http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2010/07/10/8-ways-to-live-a-powerful-and-joyous-life/

Goals Collection

The new year is coming - in a matter of 5 days. Grace! There are so many things I want to achieve in 2010 like losing my weight that I haven't managed to do. I still have 5 more days from now. Tomorrow I am going to start the 3 days diet after which 1 day detox diet. This will help me to lose at least 5kg before new year eve. Then I will be able to wear my nice beautiful dress or the gorgeous white slacks that I bought with the black butterfly blouse. I want my legs to look lean and nice so I am going to start working on the legs, hips and butt exercise.

I want to look good when I start working back again in Jan 3 2011. Then on, I am going to maintain my ACV drink and yoga each morning and night. I hope by February 2011 - I would look fit and trim. Can't wait for this ;-)

Quiet Christmas

It's a quiet Christmas this 2010 with it raining all evening and almost the whole afternoon yesterday. I am quiet too cause my tooth aches so much. We just came back from dinner at Uncle Chili's. My eye aches too maybe from too much of straining or maybe it is just because of the sinus. I need to start taking ACV again. ACV always make me better. I am also counting on ACV to help me lose weight. I need to be diligent from this year onwards till next year with my health and weight. I am growing old each year and thus have to plan for the future. There are so many things to do. Next week I will be starting work again. I want to complete this week by reading some of the books I have been meaning to read and also catch up on my PMP studying. I want next year to be a glorious year for myself. I want to achieve so much more in my career and my personal life. I want so much.

Christmas Blues

This Christmas I feel blue mostly because of the extreme weight gain that I had these few months. Instead of losing the fat, I have been piling this and this is now showing me in the worst manner ever - in my Christmas clothes. I wonder whether I can make it in time for next year to lose at least 4kgs so at least my dress would not bulge out so obsencely and I can wear my bomber jacket without wondering so much about the tightness around the arms and the apparent fact that I am unable to zip the jacket (moan, wail, bemoan).

I have to give this all up. This misery of not being perfect. I guess I just want to look beautiful, fit and graceful. I want to be a picture of health. This has been a burning desire of mine this while year but somehow I seemed to be waylaid out of the compass.

I think therefore I am... thus I shall think and dream of myself being slim, lanky and tall with long leggy looking legs. I shall picture this in mind right near the RM8800 salary that I am dreaming up next year. I want this to be a reality. I want to look slim and be able to wear all the beautiful clothes that I have bought and have been hiding in my closet.

Winnie The Pooh Movies

Here is the list of Winnie the Pooh's movies that I have watched so far.

1. The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh  [1977]
2. Winnie the Pooh's Most Grand Adventure [1997]
3. The Tigger Movie [2000]
4. Winnie the Pooh-A Very Merry Pooh Year [2002]
5. Piglet's Big Movie [2003]
6. Pooh's Heffalump Movie [2005]

You can read more of Winnie the Pooh at wikipedia : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winnie-the-Pooh

Death

Death has come like a thief and stole my uncle's soul. He was one of my most fave uncle. I simply adored him as a child till right until now. Thank Goodness I managed to visit and talk to him few months back so the lost if not so painful. He was a good man. He used to go the church every single day, was independent and resourceful. I used to love him so much because he too shared a passion with me in that we both loved animals. I remember him talking to the birds that he kept in the cages and often let them go and the dog that he cared for. I am sadden for him. I understand the pain that his kids will go through. We were all shocked ourselves. He was aged 83. If  ever do get married, I would like to have someone who is as nice, kind and thoughtful like him.

Watching Winnie the Pooh Movies

I am so thrilled! A friend of mine shared with me the whole collection of Disney's movies. It has every single movie that was ever created by Disney. This also meant it had Winnie the Pooh movies - I so love Winnie the Pooh right now. I just have 3 more movies to go on Winnie the Pooh. In the mean time - I am going to watch the Hunchback of Notre Dame - I only watched one hour on it as I have to leave to go to Church.

In case you have forgotten - I am into making me smile and be happy this December and throughout year 2011. This means that I am going to skip depressing movies and watch more of comedies, sitcoms and cartoons! Lots of cartoons! That and I have to catch up watching all the movies I missed out in 2010. Thank God for HBO else I am going to be crying with all the scurrying for Cd's.

Books I Have Read in December 2010

Ever since I completed my yearly goal of reading 40 books in a year and achieved by reading more than 40 books, I have slacked in my reading.

I guess, I cannot fault myself. There are so many books to read that I just do not know where to start. I decided to start reading to short stories and those books which does not have more than a 100 pages in them. I also decided to focus on reading and completing BBC's 100 best books for many of these books are my fave and are books that I have been meaning to read.

Well 35 years of my life has gone by wishing I could do this and that if only I had the time or waiting for the right moment. No longer will I care for this. The time is never right - this is what I know. I just will have to grab opportunities as they come. So these days I attempt to read even if I do not have the reading feeling. I just pick up a book and start reading.

Here is my list:

Dec's Books

1. The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy - Douglas Adam (1979)

Crazy and bewildering book. I am unsure whether I really do like it but it made me smile and wonder as I turned the pages of the book. One thing I am sure is that I felt like I was wearing a crash helmet in space clothes and on a jet plane moving fast in the galaxy and stopping whenever they stopped and moved whenever they moved. Thrilling experience. Thanks for the ride! I just found out that there was a movie made about this book. Damn if I knew. I kept thinking how could anyone recreate what was in the book and how would it seem to be. Well... everyone can dream and so did the writer and producer.

On 21 Dec I watched the movie and it was great! A pity it was not so crazy like the book but it was fascinating all the same. Guess I expected that the movie producers will want to show more of the space - the final frontier sort of thing. Zaphod was amazingly funny and well acted. The actor who played Arthur Dent was deadpan all the time as what I pictured him to be - this includes Ford and also Trillian who were all well suited for their role. Marvin was a blast. He was so depressing! To me besides Zaphod, Marvin is the star! 

Shopping Blues

Today I went shopping and decided to see whether I could get myself a nice pants or skirts. The results was negative. Not happy at all. It would seem that I need to miraculously lose weight this week before 24 December makes it's appearance. As usual I am caught unawares but I do not want to be a loser so this week, I pledge to eat more salad and grilled or boiled chicken or even soup but I am not getting anywhere near rice, bread or biscuits. After 25 Dec, I can eat as many tarts as I want but never before. I need to fit into my Christmas and New Year clothes without incurring a bomb of costs. I want to myself something lovely such as an iPod, shoes and also some accessories.

Surprises and a Birthday Bash

Since yesterday I was surprised. I scoured the websites to find some inspiration on what to dress on Christmas day. Instead, I saw scores and scores of websites offering advice on what to wear. If only they would show pictures instead of just showing text, it would have made better sense. After awhile, thinking that I am not getting anywhere I stumbled on some plus size women's website. To tell you the truth, I have been in denial about my weight gain and seeing these women dressing up like all fashionista does..it makes me wonder. I am truly amazed with their dress style and their unabashed and upbeat attitude towards their weight. It does not stop them from looking good.

Thus, I figured that instead of just grabbing whatever that I feel is good never mind that I need to squeeze in them.. thinking I would feel better, I realised that I was living in a fantasy world. I am ashamed with my squared thoughts. I should not condemn myself too much and instead should look up for clothes my size without feeling insecure.

With this thinking, imagine my surprise when I found so many beautiful and affordable clothes yesterday that I figured I could wear on Christmas day. Also I am feeling  brave to try out new things and clothes.. especially those type of clothes I used to think that I would not look good on.

I decided today for my birthday - to wear that blouse that I have been saving for 5 years. I also had a pedicure and went for eyebrow and upper lip threading. I now look much fuzz free and I hope that it will stay like that till Christmas or at least until new year. Also I decided to eat more of salad and boiled/broiled protein/vege this week so at least my tummy pouch will not show so much and I could fit myself in that pants that I have been saving for the whole year! Lord, that and I have to trim my butt and thighs and get rid of the saddlebags at my waist. A great feat! I shall persevere by going out shopping so I will not think so much of food.

Stocking Up: Resotutions

Instead of saying resolutions, Tigger kept pronouncing it as 'resotutions'. I kind of like his term because it takes away the burden of ensuring that you have achieved your resolutions rather than break it each year. Tigger in case you do not know, is a character from Winnie the Pooh - which is my current obsession right now after having read Benjamin Hoff's book on the Tao of Pooh.

Well about my resotutions:

1. I have decided to enroll in a class. I have been thinking of pilates for so long but is unable to find someone near home. So I figured out dabbling in yoga would give me a firm body. Then again I am so fascinated with all the dance routines and UK's reality show - You Got to Dance. What else to say? I am inspired, fascinated and just dying to do this. I thought I could enroll for the most hardest dance yet... salsa. It would make me sexy all over. Damn to hell if I do not have a dance partner. I just have to get one somewhere.
2. Everyday I will get up at least 30mins early to do some morning yoga exercise and then slowly transgress it with weights and light dancing.
3. Each day, I need to ensure that I eat vegetables so I endeavour to make myself a salad each day when I get home from work else I will need to make myself some nice Campbell soup with some toasted bread else munch of a medley of carrot sticks, cucumber or tomatoes - especially the nice cherry tomatoes which I adore.
4. I need to focus on the mountain climbing session that I will do with Ann. I am excited. Maybe then I can make more friends and then I would have a larger and better network or circle of friends.
5. I so want a new best friend and I hope I find one soon. One with a heart of gold and who absolutely adores me.

My Birthday

Hurrah! Today is my birthday - the day that I was born many moons ago. I actually wanted to blog about yesterday and let the world know that I am so happy and I am still happy for the few things that has happened on 16 Dec.

Today is too early to let you know the good things that is happening on my birthday. Although there have been 3 sms and 1 call from my brother and his children and I guess the day will be progressively better as it goes on :-)

For 16 Dec,  So I will list down all those things that I am happy and grateful about:

1. On my appraisal - I got a 4 out of 5 rating and am to be promoted. Yippee. I hope that I will get an incremental 10% or more on my salary. Yippee! Even better news, my big big boss approves my promotion.
2. I have 80GB of movies. My friend was so kind to share his selection of movies with me and gave me back my newly bought 2TB external hard disk - sounds like I bought this as a gift to myself. Such a clever me.
3. I obtained 1 diary from one of our vendor.
4. I obtained a necklace from a good friend of mine.
5. I got back my shoes - finally. They have been repaired well and will last me another eternity.
6. I had a wonderful and yummy lunch today in BSC with a good friend. 
7. I said good bye to my good friends at work (temporarily as I am on leave until Jan 3 2011) and will see them again the coming year or maybe even sooner :-)
8. I bought a Nativity set that mummy wants to keep in the house rather than give it as a pressie.
9. I managed to complete all that I need to do for my project.
10. I am happy that my friends, colleagues and users adore me :-) Yeah! 
11. I watched a Winnie a Pooh movie! Pooh is so adorable.

Breaking Free

I am trying to break free from being a control freak and a "i am important sort of attitude so listen to me". I need to cut some slack and do a give and take. I need to let go of the ego and do what a Pooh bear does... do not assume but ask when do not know and always be oneself.

I am trying to do all this and somehow at the same time let my success shine out high. I love R.Kelly's "I believe  I can fly song". I know I can do many things at the same time once I complete everything. I know I can achieve and at the same time... I need to live in the now rather than in the past or the future.

Each day, I can feel that Iam going stronger and stronger. No longer will I walk alone :-)

Letting Go

Today I practiced letting go of my fears of wanting to be there to be in control. Today I left my project to be on it's own. I just mentioned one thing at the end and let it take it's own course. It would seem that I am very good of letting things go. This should not be the case. I loved to be cherished by people and adored. I like to always be in their good thoughts. I love people thinking that I am the best that they have got and that they value my friendship and relationship.

I have to learn to not shut the door entirely but to always offer friendship and comradeship. So I shall let myself to be available at a minimum level to get things done. So there. This is the part where I know I have grown up.

Completing the book on The Tao of Pooh have opened my eyes that being too clever all the time like the Rabbit and the wise old Owl will not get me many places. Being innocent to nothing and yet be able to see things when I listen to my heart and the surroundings, I can get somewhere. I shall always adore this book deep in my heart and always look forward throughtout the day.. as what Piglet thinks i.e. something exciting is about to happen. Also as Pooh declared... one must believe in themselves in what they are and what they are so we will not make the same mistake as the stonecutter. Thank God for small mercies.

Getting What I Want

I am a great believer in the adage that what you want is what you get. This always happens to me. I always want things and I know I will get it. I wanted a laptop bag and was thinking earlier on obtaining and that I should have instead obtained a much smaller trolley bag instead of the large one that I have. The good news is that now I am the proud receipient of one laptop bag and one trolley bag. I am so happy! I also wanted one flask preferably this came free with something else and today I managed to see and then of course I just had to purchase 2 boxes of Cane Green Tea which came with a free flask. Yippee!

Now  I need to concentrate on receiving more money into my account and into my life. I wanted RM30,000 followed with a RM1,000, 000. Next year I want to buy myself a house and a car. No more pretending around and waiting for God to merciful and take pity of me. To get me somewhere I need to dream myself a house, a car and a career that is taking off successfully. God will bless me along the way. I am also looking for love and someone as my life partner. I have been diligently asking Mother Mary to help me find a spouse who not only loves and cherishes me but is also from the Catholic community. I want to be loved. I long to hold hands and feel that everyday I am blessed with someone who loves me as much as God loves me :-)

The Tao of Pooh

I have been reading the book entitled "The Tao of  Pooh" by Benjamin Hoff. I find it so interestingly and subtly clever; so full of wisdom and laughter. There were countless of time, that I laughed and smiled and hooted out loud. It would seem that Pooh is actually much smarter than anyone would think simply because he is so unassuming and unpretentious. There are many subtle yet strong advice throughout the book.  I especially liked the way Benjamin Hoff, wrote and explained the essence of Taoism. I liked especially that he interjected stories of Pooh with explanations of Taoism and combined this with all the interruptions that happens in one's daily life. To me it, the book is witty and so enchanting. I like combining the difficult truths of live through cartoons and simple words. It is so easy to understand and absorb.

I have yet to complete this book and yet it has thrilled me this far. I have 50 more pages to go before I complete this book and I am not sure of how my reaction will be, when I complete the remaining pages. I certainly do adore this soft core book that explains life strategies through the eyes of Winne the Pooh.

Theater: The Chronicles of Narnia – The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

Today I went to watch a movie with my colleagues after work. The movie was entitled as "The Chronicles of Narnia – The Voyage of the Dawn Treader"

I made my brother and sister in law to also come as they could fetch me back home. This proved to be a good idea since I only arrived home at 11.45pm. The movie started from 8pm - 10pm. By the time we managed to come out from the parking lot, it was already 10.20pm. Talk about time passing by us just like that.

Anyways, the journey home was pretty fast. I am glad that I made a good decision rather than forgoing to see the movie. It has been a long time that went to the theater. The moment I reached home, I was famished. I cooked up a maggie mee and had 1.5 cups of cocoa with lovely cold milk. I am now surfing the net and blogging. I admit that I am tired. However, I am gleeful that I managed to bring back home the trolley back that I have been wanting to do 2 weeks ago. Also I obtained a new laptop bag -- just the very thing that I have been wanting and thinking of. Now seems I am on a roll... I wish to obtain a million dollars. Just a million to make my day and to solve all of my debts.

Christmas is Nearing

Christmas is nearing.. almost 10 more days away. I am becoming frantic. I have yet to lose the weight. Already yesterday night's exercise has left me sore. Did not think about it till I was on the way home and I felt my back hurt. Thus today night, there is no heavy exercise for me. Woe is myself. I can't stop feeling famish all the time. My tummy hurts and I believe is bloated. Can't bring myself to take the lemon ACV drink. Feel lazy and lethargic.

I have got to find some inspiration to lose weight ... and buy me some clothes which is able to fit me nicely and make me look pretty. I do not want to look like a bloated seal. Decided maybe I will settle for a flirty dress and long black stockings. Else with a little coat and a V neck dress. Some nice sparkling shoes would do me the whole world of good.

Mayday Mayday

Today I met someone who will change my life or rather help me to change my life in a couple of months. Also this someone will be my advisor in my financial needs. I am thanking God for all the good things that he has planned for me. I thank St.Jude for listening to my prayer and bringing it up to Jesus. Most of all I am thankful for retaining my job. I am thankful for the house I live in, the food that I eat and the family that I am with. I thank all these with the utmost sincerity from my heart. I thank God for being alive and for letting me be strong. I have made some wrong judgements before and I vow never to make this again. I sincerely on my knees thank God for giving me another chance in life. I will not forget this and neither will I lose the chance for letting everything to be at a stand still and let life pass by me.

I thank thee God. I thank thee S. Jude. I thank the universe who stood by me through thick and thin and I ask you all to please remain with me all my life and to give me strength and courage to move on. Dear Lord, bless me with good luck and succcess. Show the fruit of my labours and let me climb the ladder to financial stability and success. Shine a light on my career and let me soar high with your mercy and kindness.

Forgetfullness

I am becoming more and more forgetful which is not my usual nature.  It has been 2 days already that I have forgotten to pray to St.Jude. This should not be. Also my focus is waning. I am finding it hard to stay awake to read the book let alone watch another movie. I think  I am tired and my brain is not working to my best. It is time to take a good long sleep. Tomorrow there are tons of things to do. I need to start practicing on my typing skills, finish reading the book and even start studying for PMP. I need to also remember to exercise and walk up and down the stairs although I do not feel like it.

I wish that I would be very rich and money is always in my grasp. I wish to dream this. To dream on how to become a very rich person. To dream that I have everything in my hands that I want to buy and most importantly I am rich in happinness and success. That everyone around me... esp my family are happy and are together as one.

Trip to the Mall

Today I made myself go out. I actually wanted to visit KLCC but was lazy and so stopped by at Mid Valley instead. I figured out that I would have more things to buy in Mid Valley rather than KLCC.

The good news is that I did find many things in Mid Valley but I did not want to spend so much of money. So I thought many times whenever I saw something nice. I finally decided to be prudent and bought me some brassieres and some vegetable salad not to mention some coffee and also a yogurt drink and 2 pastry meat cakes. The brassieres I got at a very good deal and even managed to obtain one at a 50% discount. I am thrilled. Now I do not need to agonize myself on when to stop by and buy myself some brassiere.


I did not buy any cosmetics for 2 reasons. One of the reason was that there were no RM10 discount voucher from Jusco and the other was that Clinique shipment for lipsticks have not come in as so far so I am stuck. Furthermore, I reasoned that it was cheaper to buy Clinique lipsticks rather than Estee Lauder's. As much as I liked 2 of the Estee's lipstick color... I did not like their packaging and their cost. Also I decided that I would look out for Elizabeth Arden's Christmas package instead and then decide whether it would be a much better deal. The good thing is that I can save rather than spend on something that I like and having to deal with the other things that I do not like.

So am I done for Christmas shopping? Well... not yet... I have to decide whether I can lose some weight so I can don up the clothes that I bought last year and have yet to use. At the moment, I am keeping my fingers cross. Till then...

Beauty Buys

I am so wrapped up with the beauty buys. The price of items are escalating like crazy and I find myself scrambling and flustering on what items that I should buy and which I should not. In this 2010, where almost all cosmetics stores are not providing the usual 7 in one free items or RM10 voucher... it's seems disheartening. Furthermore there seems tons of things to do in the last minute. There is this excess weight that I need to get rid of, and the hair that needs to be oiled and shaped so it would look glossy and nice, the toes that needs pedicure and a good massage, the skin that is requires to be plumped out.

Hmm... maybe I shall pull out my Clinique renew to ensure that my skin gets plumped up in a short time. I also plan to eat more vegetables especially salads at night to reduce the tummy and also give me the much needed good skin. I need to shave the legs or maybe I should try the waxing. I cannot bear the pain of waxing so maybe I will just use the usual epi cream. On the eyebrows, I will need to go for the much needed threading that and also the upper and lower lips.

I will need to buy myself some shoes and some accessories not to mention the christmas dress or blouse with pants. I also will need to buy some clothes for new year and shoes to boot. I am trying not to make all this too overwhelming and concentrate on doing donkey kicks so it would give me nice long lanky legs that I can fit into any pants or skirt and still look good. Yes... this is what I will concentrate on rather than going around doing everything but churning nothing.

New Read

I decided once again to start reading. Rather than go on a roundabout of reading personal development books which by the way I love; I decided that I would start reading the 100 books that BBC claimed was the best in the world. What better way to spend some time than reading classics.

Herein I will blog the classic books that I have read and maybe even provide my views on this.

List of Classic Books Read

1. Animal Farm by George Orwell

Despite my earlier reluctance to read a book on animals ... not that I do not like animals rather it is because I just did not want to read a book that I thought was meant for kiddies. Anyway.. this book is brilliant. The way Orwell writes is simply so catching. I could not stop myself from reading and turning the pages. It was cocky, full of wit and despair and written so intelligently that one would get caught with the fights and tension of the animals in the animal farm.

1.  

Starting Anew

I want to start anew. Leave all the negativity and bad memories behind. I am fed up of the continous reminders and the what nots of not doing things and now all these are come back and haunting me. The incesstant nagging and reminders are all so very sickening and tiresome. I cant keep losing my temper every now and then. I cant live in the shadows anymore. I need to make decisions quickly. I have told myself that I have to start living and not staying in the shadows anymore.

So herein my journey begins as a new person. Will blog the new changes in my life. So far I just called the driving school lady and tried to make an appointment. I now need to decide on whether to meet the dentist or go to the city. I think I will pay a visit to the city as I will be on leave next Wednesday and will able to make a trip to the dentist in the morning with mum. I will also need to make my claims on Monday morning and then call the Alternative Channel guy up. I need to br brave to face on the world. No more hiding, no more excuses.. I just need to head on. Lord, God and dear universe give me the confidence and courage to live my life to the fullest. To want all, I need to have all and give all.

Feeling Great That I AM Alive

Little did I know that I have so much of courage to go on. The things that have been pulling me down has not stopped me from feeling at the top of the world. I have delegated my worries to God. I have asked Jesus to pls take the driver's seat and lead me to financial peace and stability.

At work, on those things that I have been putting off... I started to get on it. I have told myself.. that I cannot keep trying to find just the right time to do things because the right time.. just does not happen. We just need to start something rather than wait for the perfect time to happen.

I realised this during my downtrodden week in the first week of November 2010. There have been far too many times that I have hold myself back. Also when I spoke to my friend about my goal realization of reading 40 books per year - 20 each have quarterly and how I managed to achieve this. She laughed and declared that sometimes... one must make the first step to something and before long they are leading the way.

Yesterday and this whole week, I have been doing the things that I wanted so much to do but was either fearful or lazy or uninterested. Two things off my list and now I have 1 more activity to work out. Somehow I need to do the same for my exercise regime. I cannot shut out myself anymore longer. I need to do the things that I want to be free... from worries, from life's constraints and from fear of the unknown.

Learning to LIVE

I remember that in this month, I have told myself that I have to stop leaving in the shadows and away from life. I no longer will leave my life to procrastinate further. I cannot try to pretend that I am not important because I am IMPORTANT. I am important to life. I am important to myself. No more waiting.

These are the things that I want to do:

1. Take up yoga
2. Drive my own car
3. Start running and enlist in at least 1 marathon
4. Wear a full shift dress and look good in it.
5. Lose 10pounds
6. Grow my hair long up to my boobs level
7. Bring bentos to work
8. Make more friends
9. Buy a house of my own
10. People to love me and to care for me. To be in their thoughts.
11. Pass PMP
12. Climb a mountain
13. Travel around the world starting with KK, Bali, Bangkok and Vietnam.
14. Find the love of my life
15. Get a best friend to share my life, my thoughts, my happiness, joy and tears
16. Get in touch with my old friends.
17. Be on facebook with my loved ones
18. Achieve something.. fitness... 
19. Get a new hobby
20. Get a dog.
21. Finish reading 3 books per month.

LETTING GO: RELEASING THE PAIN

This month has revealed some good and some bad news. There are somethings that I am not happy, not proud of.. things that have left me floundering this month. I tried to put up a brave face. I tried to brighten up. I shielded myself and my thoughts from being 'revealed' to others. The pain in my heart no one knows. My thoughts have been all screwed up. Although I knew that endless and incessantly thinking of something is not going to do me a whole world of good, I could not stop my traitorous thinking.

Along the way, I decided to ask God for a chance. Please Lord, release me from all this financial burdens... these are the things that I did not ask for. These are things that I did for someone else and now I am to be blamed. The world is so unmerciful. I have never done anything bad but yet I am blamed for this and is forced to face the retributions. Where is the fairness in life?

I leaving this pain and the curse in the hands of God. This is something that I cannot handle. This is something that God needs to take this from me. I am leaving the wheel to Jesus. Lord Jesus, please help me out in this matter.. drive my life to safety and stability.  I am leaving my troubles here and will leave this to you to help me solve. I know you have never intended my life to be full of pain.

Leave it to Jesus

It has been so long that I blogged on the things that I am grateful for. Somehow I have been unlike myself wallowing in self-pity and distrust. These are the things that I am ashamed of. I should not doubt myself. I should always trust in the Good Lord to help me.

I decided after listening Carrie Underwood's song - "Jesus take the wheel" that I will do the same. I cannot be always the one to listen to people's burden and yet feel so troublesome to carry and own to my troubles. This is something that I cannot do by myself. I am letting go. I am leaving it in Jesus's hands.

Lord Jesus, I surrender all my troubles and pain to you. I am sorry to burden you but thou are strong and I am weak. I do not want to wreck havoc on my emotions. Please help me out in my present necessity. Please give me piece of mind and not doubt myself or you.

Milestone

Today, I managed to reach a milestone in our project. So far everything did turn out well. We managed to successfully cutover despite the roller coaster experience that we went through. There are so many good things that happens and so many wrong things happening at the same time.. it is no wonder why we did not all turn into an emotional wreck.

Have slept for 3hours after 30hrs no sleep. A bit woozy. Had a bit of cake, mee hoon and hot coffee. Am okay now checking on emails and chatting with a friend.

Now it is back to my life - to catch up on all the things that I did not do and those things that  I put off for too long.

The Lord is Good To Me

I believe somewhere in my traumatic state of mind that I am, I still believe that the lord cherishes me. I believe that I am lucky and will get everything good in life to me served on a platter. Heck, I am one lucky girl. I am so lucky that I get everything that I want.

I want to stop thinking of bad things. I am just going to concentrate on the good things. I want to achieve financial stability. I want to no longer put off the things that I have been wanting to do. I want to live my life the fullest without any fear or reservations. I want to live my life fully.

I want to search for my paladin - my guardian angel. I want him back in my life to help me to pick myself when I fall, to swipe away the bruises or the tears. To let me live.

Bring Out the Bottle of Jesus

Just heard Beth Hart's song entitled Bring out the bottle of Jesus - this is exactly something that I have been planning to do without actually screaming for it. I am thankful for all the good things that have been happenning. I am thankful for all the circumstances that has been established. I am thankful that God has given me a mission. I am thankful for all the good people in my life and for all the good things that has been happenning. I am thankful for all the blessings that has been poured to me. I believe that all good things will happen to me and are happenning to me. I have always been lucky in life and will continually do so.

Be Strong and Trust in the Good Lord

Something happenned yesterday. However as luck had it and I know all good things happens to me. I have someone who I do not know help me to do me a favour on something, the other bank CSR was so kind to me yesterday and today. God decided to soften the blow - a friend of mine dropped me to the nearest bus station allowing me to reach home 1.5hrs earlier than my usual time not to mention minus all the heartache and flurry hurry of catching the next bus.

I managed to get what is necessary. Something that I am unable to do - I am just leaving this to God to help get out off my rut. Lord God, I am weak but thou are strong. Your strength is the one that builds  me and keeps me sane. I know that God will protect me.

To the universe, I am thinking of happy thoughts. I want to carry on thinking happy thoughts. All good things happens to me for a good reason. This is something I am going to affirm everyday.

Passion

I have been searching in earnest this year for something. I did not know what I was searching. I busied myself trying to find inspirations and explainations in self and personal development books. I found something and alot of things. I realised that to begin anew one must always start with themself.

Thus this is the story about me. This is the reason why I can't wake up in the morning and go for the run that I have been telling and cajoling myself all this while. This is the same reason why I am unable to shed my weight all this while. I am thinking of this but not for long.

 All the words that I have been telling myself - all these words that I keep forgetting. The real reason that I keep forgettting is  the same thing all the self development books have been telling over and over again. One must believe. One must believe in themselves, in what they say and what they are capable of doing and saying. Thus the missing ingredient in people's life and so true in mine is the: PASSION.

I believe to get where I want. I need to have the PASSION to want it. I need to be PASSIONATE for my dreams, for my wants and for living my life. I need to have the passion to BELIEVE. The PASSION to wake up from slumber and live my life the way that I want.

Thus, I am awaking my PASSION. I am awaking myself again to want things, to be loved and cherished and to make a difference. I am PASSIONATE of my LIFE!

Love

It has been so long that I have loved. I believe it is time for me to start again. I cannot bear to love alone. It has been so long that I stopped myself from loving and caring. I made my heart to harden like stone. I have been trying to get myself a dog but have been refraining from doing this for so long. I know myself. have been making some many excuses. Let alone a man.

Yesterday I prayed to the Virgin Mary at the grotto of the church where I used to play when I was a small kid. I asked her to help me to find my life partner and that I have lived alone for so long. I asked her to help me to find someone who would love me as much as God and she loved me. I prayed for a successful and loving marriage. In my heart, I want someone to make me laugh and be happy all the time. I want someone's shoulder to cry on, someone whose chest I can rest my weary head and leave all my problems and worries behind.

I pray that the Good Mother Mary will bring my prayer to God. I have also asked St.Anthony to intercede for me. I posted an online prayer on Friday.

Benediction + 1 Day of Holiday

Today, I am on leave. Athough I did initially think that I wanted to rest rather than go out shopping, I did a bit of both.

1. I tried to leave home early so that I could miss the flood of relatives that would drop by. However lazy as I was did not leave home. Besides no one came after lunch. Thus I contended myself by taking a bath, having a nice foot bath followed by moiturising my feet and a short nap. After nap, I went looking for food and ate a slice of pizza, 5 small sausages and some jelly.
2. Nothing much was on TV. My two uncles turned up but not with the train of wives and cousins. Thank God for mercies. I survived the queries. Thankfully, I was not the main attraction - my dad was.
3. I decided to go to church with my brother and sis-in-law. It turned out to be a 2 hour event and ended with a mass. The experience is exhillarating. So many people believing in Christ and the power of the Rosary! I felt humbled and loved.
4. I had a wonderful dinner with brother and sis-in law.
5. I had 3 pieces of chocolate cake (small slices) and a lovely hot coffee.
6. I even managed to drink ACV + lemon (that was the plan) in the afternoon once I remembered about it.
7. I am happy that the day did not turn into a waste. Tomorrow I will be working. I am leaving it to God for helping us to make tomorrow a reality and a successful milestone achievement.
8. I thank God for a beautiful day and for keeping me alive.   
9. I designed my blog as I planned to do. Am quite happy with the design and how it turned out.
10. I am happy of how the day turned out to be. Peaceful without issues.
11. I am glad that people remembered about me and wished me. I am glad for all the sms.

Sangam - Dost dost na raha, pyaar pyaar na raha

My fave song of all time - a song of betrayal of one who loved another's love

Dost dost na raha, pyaar pyaar na raha
Friend didn't remain a friend, love didn't remain a love
Zindagi hamein tera aitbaar na raha
Life, I no longer trust you
Aitbaar na raha
No longer trust you

Amaanatein main pyaar ki gaya tha jisko saunpkar
The person to whom I had entrusted my love
Woh mere dost tumhi the, tumhi toh the
Was you, my friend
Jo zindagi ki raah mein bane the mere hamsafar
The one who had become my fellow traveler in life
Woh mere dost tumhi the, tumhi toh the
Was you, my friend
Saare bhed khul gaye, raazdaar na raha
All the secrets are exposed, the one I trusted is no longer there

Zindagi hamein tera aitbaar na raha
Aitbaar na raha

Gale lagi sahem sahem bhare gale se bolti
Embracing me with fear and a choked voice
Voh tum na thi toh kaun tha, tumhi toh thi
If not you, then who was it? It was you
Safar ke waqt mein palak pe motiyon ko tolti
At the time of my leaving, the one who shed tears like pearls
Woh tum na thi toh kaun tha, tumhi toh thi
If that wasn't you then who was it? It was you

Nashe ki raat dhal gayi, ab khumaar na raha
The night of intoxication is over, I haven't come to my senses
Zindagi hamein tera aitbaar na raha
Aitbaar na raha

Dost dost na raha, pyaar pyaar na raha
Zindagi hamein tera aitbaar na raha
Aitbaar na raha

Kuch Kuch Hota Hai - Tum Pass Aaye

Another fave music of mine.. simple lyrics but with so much meaning

Tum Pass Aaye

(Taken from: http://www.hindilyrics.net/translation-Kuchh-Kuchh-Hota-Hai/Tum-Pass-Aaye.html)

Here is the song 'Tum Pass Aaye' from movie 'Kuchh Kuchh Hota Hai'


tum paas aaye

you came near me

yun muskraye

you smiled in such a way

tum ne jane na kya sapne dikhaye

what kind of dreams have you given me ?

Ab to mer dil jage na sota hai

now my heart stays awake and wont sleep

kya krun hai , kuchh kuchh hota hai

what shall I do , something is happening

Na jane kaisa ahsaas hai

what is this I feel

bujhti nahin hai kya pyaas hai

it doesnt dim , what kind of thirst is it ?

Kya nasha is pyaar kya mujh pe chhane laga

What kind of intoxication of love is this that is taking over me

Koi na jane kyun chaahena hota hai

no one has learnt why desire is aroused,

kya karun hai , kuchh kuchh hota hai

what can I do , something is happening to me

Kya rang lai meri dua

what fruits ( colors) have my prayers brought ?

yeh ishq jane kaise hua

who knows how we fell in love

bechan hui jaan na jane kyun aane laga

why my life has become so restless

tanhai me dil

In times of stress

yade sanjota hai , kyan karu..,

the heart manufactures images , what can I do

kya krun hai , kuchh kuchh hota hai

what shall I do , something is happening

Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi

At times, I think Hindi writers have so much of passion in them when they write romantic movies. The songs are always passionate with the words that they use that have so much of meaning.

This is a follow up of the Rab Ne Bana di Jodi story. Take a look at the translation of the song from Hindi to English. You will understand why describe Hindi writers whether in songs or in stories are so passionate. 

Hindi Lyrics Translation

(taken from http://www.hindilyrics.net/translation-Rab-Ne-Bana-Di-Jodi/Tujh-Mein-Rab-Dikhta-Hai.html)

Tujh Mein Rab Dikhta Hai

Here is the song 'Tujh Mein Rab Dikhta Hai' from movie 'Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi'.
tu hi to jannat meri, tu hi mera junun

you are my heaven, your are my passion

tu hi to mannat meri, tu hi ruh ka sukun

you are my wish, you are the peace of my soul

tu hi ankhiyo ki thandak, tu hi dil ki hai dastak

you are the coldness/calmness of my eyes, you are the heartbeat of my heart

aur kuchh na janu main, bas itna hi jaanu

i don't know anything else, i know only this

tujhame rab dikhta hai, yaara main kya karu - (2)

that i see god in you, what should i do

sajde sar jhukta hai, yaara main kya karu

my head is bowing down in your worship, what should i do

tujhame rab dikhta hai, yaara main kya karu

that i see god in you, what should i do

kaisi hai yeh duri, kaisi majburi

what kind of distance is this, what helplessness

maine najaron se tujhe chhu liya

i have touched you with my eyesight

kabhi teri khushbu, kabhi teri baatein

sometimes your fragrance/scent, sometimes your talks

bin maange yeh jahan pa liya

without demanding i have got this world

tu hi dil ki hai raunak, tu hi janmo ki daulat

you are the light of my heart, you are the wealth/treasure of my lives

aur kuchh na janu, bas itna hi janu

i don't know anything else, i know only this

tujhame rab dikhta hai, yaara main kya karu - (2)

that i see god in you, what should i do

sajde sar jhukta hai, yaara main kya karu

my head is bowing down in your worship, what should i do

tujhame rab dikhta hai, yaara main kya karu

that i see god in you, what should i do

vasdi vasdi vasdi, dil di dil vich vaasdi
nasdi nasdi nasdi, dil ro ve the naasdi
rab ne bana di jodi haay.....
vasdi vasdi vasdi, dil di dil vich vaasdi
nasdi nasdi nasdi, dil ro ve the naasdi

chham chham aaye, mujhe tarsaaye

whenever you come, it teases me

tera saaya chhed ke chumata

by teasing, your shadow kisses me

o o tu jo muskaaye tu jo sharmaaye

when you smile, when you shy

jaise mera hai khuda jhumta

it seems like my god is dancing

tu hi meri hai barkat, tu hi meri ibaadat

you are my progress/growth, you are my worship

aur kuchh na janu, bas itna hi janu

i don't know anything else, i know only this

tujhame rab dikhta hai, yaara main kya karu - (2)

that i see god in you, what should i do

sajde sar jhukta hai, yaara main kya karu

my head is bowing down in your worship, what should i do

tujhame rab dikhta hai, yaara main kya karu

that i see god in you, what should i do

vasdi vasdi vasdi, dil di dil vich vasdi
nasdi nasdi nasdi, dil ro ve the naasdi
rab ne bana di jodi.....

Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi

Today I watched a Hindi movie entitled Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi. It starred Shah Rukh Khan and a new comer Anushka Sharma. Shah Rukh Khan is one of my fave actor. It is a story of a man who loved a girl the first time he laid eyes on her. Unfortunately she was to marry to someone else on the day he met her. As luck would have had it, the bus carrying her fiancee and his family was involved in an accident and no lives were spared.

In true Hindi style, the girl's father who is a Professor asked her to marry this man - his beloved student and she with a heavy heart agreed. Little did this man know that the girl of his dreams did not intend to ever love another person ever again.

The movie moves on with him loving her and she unknowingly. Till one day she decides to undertake in a dance exercise. He decides with the aid of his best friend to surprise her by changing his appearance. However as fate has it, she becomes his dance partner with none the wiser that he is her husband. The story enfolds with the two dance partners getting to know each other whilst the husband successfully maintaining his disguise.

The husband makes her fall in love with his alter ego and she is none the wiser. When she finds it in her heart to love - she thinks she is in love with her dance partner. Her husband hopes that she picks him over his alter ego but he is proven wrong.  His wife tells his alter ego that she is not happy. The husband in the role of his alter ego decides then and there that he would give himself up for her and cajoles her to run away with him, knowing in his heart that he no longer can be his real self any longer but his alter ego.

The movie ends in a way when the wife realizes that love is something pure that you feel that one will do anything for another and not because someone makes your heart skips a beat. The wife then decides to break off with her dance partner vouching never to leave her husband. The alter ego decides then to shed his image and reveals his true identity on the day of the dance competition. The movie ends with a happy ending.

I agree with the writer of this movie. You feel love when you feel peace and solace in that one person that you love. Put passion aside, the one you love must be someone whom your heart is most comfortable with.

I think that perhaps  have lost mine source of comfort simply because I could not trade in someone who misunderstands me more than people around me. In this, I maintain...  have not found my one true love yet. Love brings pain yes... but only if the person does not reciprocates your love else love brings JOY.

Rab Ne Bana Jodi is a sentence constructed from a mixture of Punjabi and Hindi. It simply means "A match made by God"

You can read more here : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rab_Ne_Bana_Di_Jodi

A Beautiful Day

Lfe is bliss when you do not have time to think of bad things and instead take life as it is. Today is beautiful for so many reasons such as follows:

1. I got a place to sit on the train today.
2. I had a lovely breakfast and 2 nice cups of coffee.
3. I had lunch with a good friend at work.
4. I feel happy that people remember me.
5. Things are going well at work minus the naysayers.
6. I am alive!!
7. I bought few good deals at Guardian.
8. I bought healthy salad yesterday which is not only healthy and tasty it is also gentle on the tummy.
9. I had a fulfilling day despite thinking that I will not. 

Confessions of An Angry Person

Am feeling that my temper is rising and not sure whether this has to do with the PMS thing. Feel that I am fed up of being questioned here and there and to be reminded of the same damn thing over and over again. Sometimes parents just gets on one's exact nerves.

Next thing is the eye strain and the fear that November is arising and that I have so much of things to do and so many unfinished business. Wish that everything will go right. Yes.. will just think success in my head. 

Learning to Live

I learned that if you are too busy going with the flow you will lose alot in life. Also if you keep thinking that you need to have and maintain that safe space for peace of mind again you will lose a lot.

I find that on the mornings that I tell myself I need some much needed nap in the train and not bother to read a book, I am wrong. Most of the time, I find that my brain is unable to keep quiet and instead goes AWOL on me in that it thinks far too much.

So I have made a new resolution this end of the year. It entails as follows:

1. Try to take time to rest yes... but when my thoughts renegade on me and start thinking about work, I either stop and picture blue calm beaches with coconut trees with sweet smelling breeze wafting by or that I open my laptop bag and start reading.
2. Buy the damn ipod and bother about the discount that may come in December.
3. Stop rushing through life.
4. Try to live life differently i.e. stop thinking I have no one to be with me. Stop thinking I can't get here and there without a car. I have to start thinking creatively and just do something without thinking too much.
5. Have more ME time like spas and massages and pedicures.
6. Stop rushing! I have to start rushing to eat because I get bored. I have to stop eating mindlessly because of boredom. Instead I need to remember to put down my fork/spoon with every mouthful.
7. Moisturise especially in the night. Stop skimping the lotions because of laziness.
8. Get up early
9. Do some yoga poses - also in the night.  

Bitterness

Bitterness begone! Bitterness and ill feelings in me ...I release you. Fly away far from me.

I think only the good things will happen to me. I want all good things to happen to me. I want to think money is coming to me in abudance. I want to soar the skies. I want to always have so much of money and never  run out of it. Like the stories that I used to read when I was young...to have a purse where money never finishes and keeps showing up every now and then :-)

My childhood dream.

The Bigger Things In Life

I believe life is too short to keep grudges and it is too shallow of oneself to let life just passed us by. I have awaken. I no longer want to think of all the things that I can or cannot do. I no longer want to subjugate myself under limitations.

I want to always think that I can fly. I want to always think that I am the Best! I want to always think that whatever I want can and will be mine. So to the universe... I am not going to bemoan my life and why you are not answering me. I am going to think that you are my genie in my bottle and you will grant me whatever I want in earnest.

And I yearn to have my own dream home. I yearn to live life happily. I yearn for my parents to be independent and I yearn to be free as a bird. 

Achievement Day #1 - Personal Things

Today I did many things which involved not going to work. Although I did check my mail most of the morning, I also did the following things:

1. Went shopping with my sis-in-law and ended spending more than RM80 per day on some items (yet again) that I needed. Most importantly - I bought the Indian soap that I wanted.
2. I followed mum to get her teeth straighten out. She is much happier right now - pain free. I also bought some more things (will wonders never cease?) - mostly on items which are very cheap and very much needed. Most importantly - I bought a basin to soak my feet each week. I have been wanting to do this for so long. Sigh! Here goes to sweet smelling feet that is well cared for :-)
3. I walked - had my exercise that I have been missing out last whole week.
4. I had a haircut (at last!) something that I have been wanting to do so much since 2 weeks ago. I now look much younger and feel lighter. I look much better - pretty to say the least (smirk!).
5. I checked my mail and thank goodness ... not much of a hullabaloo.
6. My SI worked. So much for receiving salary on time. Now I get to pay myself first every salary month! I also am taking the initiative to not transfer some of the money to my current account. I wish to transfer this to my savings account - so I am forcing myself to SAVE each month. Hurray for me!!

Moving Forward

Ever notice that everytime, someone tries to move forward they move backwards. Maybe the car is difficult to start. Sometimes.. it is just that it needs time to move forward. Sometimes.. it is the way that you have started the car. All in all.... it is a difficult task and one must always think that we need to move forward nevertheless.

To every paladin out there. Be mine again. Bless and shower me with love. I have been without an umbrella for so long. Need your shelter and guidance. I need my Alfonso.

New Things I Learned Online

Yesterday  I scoured the realsimple website and chance up on so many wonderful articles. You can surf this as this URL: www.realsimple.com.

For instance,  I read about the God Box - it is about one lady who wrote all her worries and thanks to God. I also read on what to say during awkward situations, how to make conversations at party, how to live happily and etc.

I plan to start off the God Box. I tend to be a worrier. Just thinking that God is reading my notes and is helping me to resolve this .. will make me happy.

I also plan to incorporate the small little things that you can do in life to make one self's happy. Especially about the 5 minutes or 10 minutes exercises or the brain power game to keep one's brain sharp.

Travelling

I plan to travel next year to make my years of living to be not so static. First  I will need to get myself a car and also a quality camera. Need to look out for some good deals for travel and for the camera. I will no longer put myself on hold for work. I will not be able to grow out of my shell if  I continue to do this.

Wish me good luck in my travel plans! Hurray!

Rise From The Shadows

Each day, I shall rise from the shadows that I have out myself in. I am no longer fearful - read F.E.A.R Flee Enemy and Run.

I shall endeavour to do something new each day starting with the following:

1. Fake it. Smile everyday even if I do not feel like it.
2. Spend more time talking to mum especially when there is nothing on TV
3. Be courteuous even though there are murderous people at work who are not.
4. Start my car lessons again.
5. Look out for zumba classes or dance classes to start in November and commit to it.
6. Look out for travel time.

My destiny is how I make it

Yesterday when I watched the Prince of Persia - the hero - Jake Gyllenhall mentioned more than twice is it up to us to make our destiny rather than leave it to fate. I totally agree with him.

After all it is our life. Who is to tell us how to make our life to be? We - I need to be the captain of my ship. I should be the one who is pulling all my strings and stop letting people tell me what to do. I have always been headstrong but I have always been the docile one to allow people to pressure me to do things and care for them first rather than myself.

Right now...I have a new mantra

My destiny is how I make it. I vow to live my life assomething new everyday. I want to be always be full of energy, full of spirit and have some much of wisdom and inner peace spilling from me ... that it is hard not to see me.

To hell to what people think or say. I am my own woman. I am intelligent\, free and independent. I make my own destiny. I want to be PMP certified. I want to work in a multi national company. I want to be jet setting from one place to another. I no longer what to think that I am weak and I am unable to fly/travel here and there. I just been to Singapore and Thailand without even feeling sick. During the travel week... I have/had nothing but much fun. I was full of spirits.

This is it. I have always been/wanted to be a Project Manager. Now I want to be a department head of my own team and have few people reporting to me. I want to embrace my leadership. I want to put into the gear my strengths as someone visionary and passionate in doing what she wants. These are not mere words. I need to stop downplaying my skills and ability. I need to be me. I will rise atop and will do well in life and career. I want to start living life. No more shall I stay in shadows!

Quiz : Who I AM Meant to be

Well... today after realising that I cant always stay in my secure blanket, I decided to try something new- something that I like knowing but for some time did dare attempt.

This is the result of my answering a quiz entitled "Who I AM Meant to be". You could try this also at the following URL: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Who-Am-I-Meant-to-Be

As for my results - well it is almost 100% true. I do not know how many times, I have been labelled as a leader and a nurturer despite my many failed attempts to remove myself from this labels. I guess I always wanted to be a free spirit but I have always been responsible for another person/life than me since small it is my guess... it is difficult to shake the tag :-)

YOU ARE STRIVING TO BE IN CONTROL

You are a leader: You approach everything as though you were born to be in charge. Confident, assertive, and decisive, you know what you want and you go after it. You also look out for family, friends, and community—you feel you know what's best for them—and have no fear of confronting anyone who challenges your ideas. Taking the driver's seat, you also generously donate time and energy to people and neighborhood projects.

What to watch out for: When you feel threatened, or others refuse to go along with your agenda, you can become confrontational and domineering, sometimes to the point of being dictatorial. Practice letting someone else take charge on occasion. Also try meditation; it can help you be-come more aware of your controlling impulses and ease the anxiety that may be provoking them.

Looking ahead: You discover your purpose when you take control of your environment. For you, finding a decision-making role is key. That could mean anything from producing a play to spearheading a global campaign for something you care about. In work, you're suited for leadership positions in education, government, industry, finance, religious institutions, or politics. But you can find satisfaction anytime you're given the autonomy to do things your own way.




YOUR SCORES


Many people have two or three strong striving styles, and they can all be important in leading you to the person you are meant to be. If you have a few "highest" scores, read each matching description, and see what rings most true.



Striving to help: 12
Striving to be recognized: 15
Striving to be creative: 13
Striving to be spontaneous: 9
Striving to be knowledgeable: 16
Striving to be secure: 16
Striving to be in control: 18



STRIVING TO HELP
You scored: 12

You are a nurturer: You are caring and supportive in your personal relationships as well as in your job. Unselfish and altruistic by nature, you often anticipate the needs of those around you before they are aware of them. If there is one thing that brings you satisfaction, it's tending to others.


What to watch out for: When you're doing things for people only to feel valued, you can become resentful. And if you sense that your help is not appreciated, you may end up playing the martyr. So before giving your time to everyone else, make sure to take care of yourself (physically, emotionally, and spiritually). And practice waiting until someone asks for help: While you may be able to perceive what a person needs, that doesn't mean she wants you to attend to it.

Looking ahead: It's important for you to be genuinely of service in acknowledged ways. Whether you foster a child, care for an elderly aunt, rescue animals, or support a rock star's career as her personal assistant, look for opportunities where you can help other people or bigger causes. Volunteer work has your name written on it, as do many careers: nursing, teaching, customer service, healing, social work. Don't feel pressured to run the company or lead the project; you may be even more effective as someone's right hand. And you'll likely find working with other people more meaningful than flying solo.




STRIVING TO BE RECOGNIZED
You scored: 15


You are an achiever: Ambitious, competitive, and hardworking: That's you. With a clear image of who you are, you work tirelessly to make sure your accomplishments are recognized. Your drive for success extends to your family, and you invest a lot of energy in helping them live up to your expectations. Thanks to your knack for diplomacy and abundant charisma, you often inspire others.

What to watch out for: You are prone to becoming a workaholic, slaving away toward success while neglecting your personal life. Because you're driven to gain approval, you can find yourself performing for others like an actor; if you become overly concerned with your image, you end up feeling superficial. To keep your ambition under control, get involved in group activities that require cooperation. Also practice listening to those around you and think about sharing the spotlight from time to time.


Looking ahead: Any career that allows you to scale the ranks and gain recognition, status, even material rewards, lights you up. Actress, entrepreneur, salesperson, politician—you get the picture. And consider balancing your professional challenges with personal ones: Run a 10K, train for a triathlon, compete in a tennis tournament, bike from one end of your state to the other; or join a debate team, play in a poker circle, enter your purebred spaniel in a dog show. Whenever you can win at something, you're happy.


STRIVING TO BE CREATIVE
You scored: 13


You are an artist: You came out of the womb with a paintbrush in your hand. Or maybe it was a flute or a castanet or a fountain pen to go with your poet's imagination. The point is, you're an original, and you know it. Even if you don't have a singular gift, you're drawn to the arts—anything creative, for that matter—and you have a unique way of looking at the world. Your need for depth and authenticity in relationships can lead to both great joy and profound sorrow, depending on whether others reciprocate. You don't care so much about adapting to group or societal expectations; your independence and sharp intuition propel you on your own path.

What to watch out for: When fear of conformity overrides your creativity, you can assume the role of "outsider" or "orphan" and end up feeling alienated. You may even go so far as refusing to vote or pay taxes. This lone-wolf stance might be a defense against feeling vulnerable. Try to be aware that blaming others for your banishment, or pushing away those who want to get close, only makes things worse. Also, dramatizing your emotions can interfere with your creativity.

Looking ahead: As long as you genuinely express yourself, you feel like the person you were meant to be. How you do it is irrelevant. A chef or architect can be as much of an artist as a painter or sculptor. Many advertising and public relations executives are also highly imaginative. Beyond work, there are opportunities everywhere you look to coax out your inner artist: Design your own jewelry line, create an innovative blog, dream up a comic strip. Relationships are another avenue for self-expression.




STRIVING TO BE SPONTANEOUS
You scored: 9


You are an adventurer: Action-oriented, curious, outgoing, and often technically gifted, you live for new experiences. You are drawn to risk-taking and aren't afraid to fail. Generally restless, you tend to job-hop or choose a field that offers constant novelty. If you had to name your favorite place, it might be the center of attention—you're a born entertainer, and can easily adapt to any audience. While you collect many acquaintances, you're less likely to develop deep, committed relationships.

What to watch out for: When you can't satisfy your thirst for variety and excitement, you may see yourself as trapped, which can lead to impulsive and self-destructive behavior—drinking, drugs, breaking off relationships, ditching financial responsibilities. Try to find value in some traditions; if you learn to appreciate repetitive experiences, you won't always feel the urge to bust free. And when a new opportunity thrills you, keep in mind that just because it sounds exciting, that doesn't mean it's good for you.

Looking ahead: Life will have meaning for you as long as you feel stimulated. That might mean chasing twisters, exploring the polar ice caps, getting a degree in dance therapy, or becoming an astronaut. It might also mean reading new books, attending workshops, or letting yourself get swept up in an intoxicating romance. As a risk-lover with a lot of energy, you're a natural entrepreneur. You'll be happiest if you change jobs every so often and travel extensively. Movement is what keeps you going.

Wishing For A True Love

Everybody needs somebody and so do I. I am in this part of my life where I know I need a man to be in love with me as I am with him, to have a man to be by my side in my bed, my arms, in my heart and in my life. I want a man to share my life with me. Someone whom I can hug in the morning and come home too. I want a man to be the best friend of my life, someone whom I can share my life, my thoughts and desire with. I want a man. I want him to love me as much as I love him.

Lord God. You have promised me. Since I was small... I knew I always wanted someone to love me more than anything on earth. I want my husband to only love and cherish me. I want to be able to share my heart with. Everyone deserves a someone and so do I.

Prince of Persia

Not sure what is wrong with me. The movies that I keep thinking is not good is actually very good. I watched Prince of Persia today and regret all the thinking that Jake Gyllenhaal was so wrong for this movie. Now I am thinking how right he is for this movie. The movie was awesome. I like the fast pace and the fight scenes. I like that it was not full of love scenes and nudity. I liked the movie and the storyline. They made it to sound like something believable rather than corny.

Also I am beginning to think that I need to come off from this fear of doing the unknown. Where is the girl who was so fearless before? I need to learn to explore new things and not to be afraid of the unknown.

Resuming My Fitness Plan

The week before my Thailand trip, I have been remiss. I forgot and was too lazy one too many occasions to continue my walking up and down the stairs. I also loathed to run up the stairs. Part of the reason was that I was coming home late after work and lacked the energy to exercise - this and also on the fact that after food, my tummy was too full and bloated to even think of walking up and down the stairs.

This week however, I need to drone in my head, to walk up and down the stairs at least 23 times. I also need to think that the moment I wake up, to thank the Good Lord for giving me another day to live and to also think positively that today will be a successfully happy day for me and that I am a rising star. After this, I will dedicate at least 15-20mins by doing some yoga.

I better be also waking up to take up jogging or walking to build up my stamina. I need to be present of mind and of heart.

Weekend Is Here

Hey!! The weekend is around the corner and I am so happy. It has been a long week. I guess most of my energy is spent getting angry all the time - two days when I was back to Malaysia. However today I am much cooler and calmer. I guess by just thinking about being good and cool does wonders for me.

Tomorrow I plan to wash my hair, get it cut and style and see whether I can book for a hair massage/care/moisturizing on Sunday. It is time that I begin to look after my hair and legs as well as I do with my face. I also brought back the ACV that I bought weeks ago. I plan to start drinking it again in the morning as well throughout the day. I have to get my hands on a bottle - which is not plastic to store ACV so I can drink it without much queries from my colleagues. I know ACV is good for me. I have begun using it for my baths. It works wonders for my skin - giving my skin a lovely sheen of good health. I plan to scrub a dub tomorrow with ACV and Himalayan salt - need to get rid of all the dust and grime that I brought back from Thailand :-)

Tomorrow I plan also to give a good scrubbing to my feet, wash my shoes and probably go out to Subang to see whether I can buy new shoes. I also plan to copy out all the Mind Your Language vids and keep this in my external hard disk so I can come home to watch some comedy and maybe laugh my head off. Other than that, I need to clear off the clothes in my luggage bag, wash and iron some of my clothes beginning with my black jacket.